the odds and ends of life

graphic design

2010-02-25T07:24:00.001-08:00

well its all going so slow, like slow motion or maybe even rewind...i mean to say that my idea of being a comic artist, or a designing t-shirts or doing album artwork is going so slow, i have hust finished an idea for jessies second album "pinhole picture" and im still waiting for ben to contact cyber dog so i can design for them...maybe i can make them open a steam punk line....steam pug? who knows.

ATNHOV

2010-02-23T05:18:00.000-08:00

Once upon a midnight barren while I bartered with kind Charon,Over many a quaint and curious volume of forgotten lore,While I wandered, nearly stumbling, through a world old and crumbling,As of some one long since dead, dead before an eldritch door.`'Tis some apparition,'

I muttered, instead a phantasm of a door -Only this, and nothing more.'
1
“now Jasper this is a simple exercise, just try to remain calm”
The walls were white and soft, a prison for the loathsome and the damned. It had been too long now, but they didn’t remember how long, more than two months, less than a year…too many drugs to remember, not enough to forget.
“jasper?”
Jaspers eyes lit up and he looked at the mans face. The glimmer of Nhils eyes shone through his, he was a man possessed.
“Good morning, like I was saying this is a simple evaluation, like an interview. Its nothing too stressful and it should help us better understand your condition.”
Jasper rested his right arm on the table, his left arm had been removed for safety reasons and as such he was reminded of his mortality and vice versa.
“an interview?”
“uh, yes. Of a sort, don’t worry about it too much and try to keep your answers simple. that is to say not pre-meditated.”
“ok” jasper nodded. Nhil nodded but he didn’t know why.
“very well” the Psychoanalyst straitened his paper and words and began talking.
“how are you feeling today mr. Valik?”
“quiet”
“quiet?”
Jasper simply nodded
“how so?”
“there’s less noise in my head, or I understand it better”
“are you saying the voices are gone?”
“no, and I don’t know how many times to explain it to you but its only one voice, not voices”
“you are referring to Nhil”
“yes but he’s quieter today”
“and why do you think that is?”
The side of jaspers mouth twisted Into a smile and a small laugh forced its way out of him “probably because he’s busy”
The Analyst jotted something down in his mole skin ledger.
“how are your memories today? How much of the past few months do you remember”
“not all but still too much, it’s the events before that are troubling…”
“have you forgotten them as well?”
“no, not forgotten, but its like a watercolour when the colours bleed together, I cant really pick apart our world from theirs.”
“you mean the real and the imaginary”
“I don’t know” jasper slicked back his hair.
“well tell me, how many people did you kill in the weeks leading up to the mayors death?”
Jaspers eyes flickered, skim reading thin air. “did you find his body? Did your recover the mayors body?”
“no, but its been long enough to be sure, now if you don’t mind please answer the question as best you can”
“I don’t know, there was the police chief and his men and that Mr.Whyte, some telefoce operatives, the high priest and the old mayor…that’s eight. And there were the other operatives and the mayors guards…about fourteen”
“we have it estimated at twenty two, and your associate killed a considerable amount more”
“Taras, have you found him?”
“no, as you well know he is extremely good at just dropping off the map. But just to let you know you are extremely lucky you developed this “mental condition” when you did, not that I don’t believe its genuine but just so you know if it had been a regular guy killing this many people he’d be executed before he had time for a last meal”
Jaspers eyes flickered as Nhil woke up. Nhil’s eyes opened onto the pallid room, it was crawling with ten legged diseases, the cracks in the foundation of human logic were here, in a prison built to keep the murders and rapists with mental conditions safe from the public…which murderer is without a mental condition, which rapist is sane. Nhil felt sweat form on the back of his neck, he looked down at his enthral left arm, it wasn’t real…but it was, of coarse it was, if you can imagine it It becomes real.

“well then its good im insane, it must save on electricity”
“actually criminals are put do death by injection now, mostly anyway”
“shame, the electricity was almost as good as the guillotine”
“I don’t mean to offend but am I talking with Nhil now”
Yes good sir, and what a fine talk it is…next question”
The questioner shuffled his shoulders and Nhil could read his discomfort
“very well, “Nhil” can you please reiterate why you went to such extensive lengths to kill the men you did?”
“I don’t see the point, it must be blunt. All you do is jot it down in that little book and incinerate it as you leave the room”
“no, jasp…Nhil I don’t, this is the same ledger I have been conducting all your assessments in, you can look if you like”
The man flicked through the large note book showing numerous documents and notes detailing Jasper Valik.
“Not the book, you incinerate it from your head, your just stacking shelves and when you walk out the doors you burn all you’ve learnt that day…why else would we keep repeating these conversations?”
“Mr.Valik, I am offended, I take great interest and care in all my patience and the repetition of these conversations is to assess your memory not mine.”
Jasper smirked, Nhil smirked.
“Great interest, you don’t know what that means…I took great interest in the new mayor and you probably take great interest in your new car or your daughters schooling…but you wouldn’t be here if the man at the end of the hall stopped paying your checks, so how can you say you’re greatly interested?”
“I am paid for my work but I went into this career because I find the human mind fascinating…”
“thus the problem arises the “human” mind, what a dire mesh of beige misconceptions and infinite stupidity, there is little in this world or the next that can compare to the internal musings of a human who thinks he understands what is happening, infact we had a difficult time adjusting this time so its no wonder you would”
“Nhil, we are getting off topic”
“ok, well back to the topic of questions then I have one for you…what is the meaning of life?”
The psychoanalyst didn’t answer he simply stared at jasper, at Nhil.
“come on…or do you not know the answer? I assume you would say no one does, well how could you know that? Have you talked to them all? And to state a simpler question how many stars are there? Or how many people are left on the planet? Or where is the nicest place on this world? What is the best colour? Why did the great seas burn up? why do you fear death? What wrong with killing? How many numbers are there? Why did we have this meeting? What happens now? What happens when you realise that the human mind is infinitely more complicated than the answers to the questions I just asked?”
“mr. Valik I can see we have extinguished the usefulness of this meeting”
Jasper nodded, Nhil nodded…he knew why this time.
“its to find out by the way.”
“excuse me?”
“the meaning of life is… for you to find out”
“you see even you with your “godly powers” cant answer the question”
That implies there is no point, but there is and while you may think my answer nonsensical it is very important, the meaning of life is for you to find out…if your not getting closer to finding it every day then you may as well drop dead, your not trying had enough.”
“goodbye Jasper” the man pulled the cell door closed and once again Jasper and Nhil were alone together.

news article for the henley standard.

2010-01-31T16:05:00.000-08:00

Once described as “an act you could see this year” now the duo known as “fuzzwald and clumpling” are in your very own town to teach your squidlings to pretend they are not them selves, what a joyous day for you lucky parents. And all for a un-modest sum of your lovely cashorama.

Now its time to hoist the flag of HMS acting and all jump around in a padded room doing sketches that are both culturally insulting and almost artistically acceptable. So if you are under the age of when your back makes that popping noise when you bend down and have some cash or know someone who does come on down and fuzzwald will gruellingly instruct you as clumpling dances in the corner showing off moves that involve crying a bit.

The Ivory Crown

2010-01-25T17:05:00.000-08:00

Not what you think

Aint what you do

Stop looking around

Hes talking to you

You fell on your face

messed up once or twice

stop looking around

n’ open your eyes

count the daisies

washed up on the shore

how may where there?

I guess you want more

I see you moving the ivory keys

I hold up the stars

“you must be looking for these”

well they aint in your bag

and they’re not in the sand

they’re nestled quite calm

in the palm of my hand.

Fold down the mirror

and pack up your stuff

You’ve been sitting down

For quite long enough

A penny for your thought

Or maybe less than that

Its the cheapest ive bought

Even Less than the cat

A shilling for the time

A pat on the back

Another free dime

Now you on track?

You had hopes

You had dreams

You still looking for these?

I can tell a case lost

And a case won

Its not your fault

At least you had fun

So look in the mirror a have a sit down

But prepare for your son to wear the ivory crown.

Top Ten Things To Do in Ibstone.

2010-01-22T09:10:00.000-08:00

some of the greatest things to do in this lovely rural community.

10. watch the cricket

9. stay indoors

&. go for a walk of some description

7. look at the little kiddys in the playground and reminisce about when you used to go there

6. go looking for ghost horse, the most famous ghost of a horse in all ibstone

5. try your hand at rock throwing (if you can find an electrical box it may make it more rewarding)

4. get drunk

3.get drunk and go sledding (seasonal activity)

2. go see the alpacas (combining this with 4 and 5 make for a memorable evening)

1. go looking for the infamous blue flash (its rare and easy to miss)

because you can.

2010-01-20T07:02:00.001-08:00

Its almost impossible to share with you what I know, feel ,see…all of them, because I don’t know much and its not a feeling and it cant be seen but you know when you have it, or when it has you.

None of it matters, not the coppers in your purse or the wheels on the car, not regrets or hopes or the fact you never said goodbye, its all ending like it never was at all, its not your right to feel sorry but then again whos to tell you not too. Here today dead tomorrow, when in rome hide your sorrow.

God its like im talking a different language, im not sure which one, but its not a nice one…or a simple one but it is true, or at least has a sence of feeling easily misconstrued as true.

So if you undersrtood this please fell free to keep going, suicide wont help,.. same destination I just have a few extra stops first.

Got it yet? Like tigers stripes, not logical to the eye but equily effective.

God its just to confusing, I feel I may be infected.

To write without words or sing without sound.

Not an easy task but its no more pointless or virca than the other tasks people chose to peruse to feel alive. Like everything in the end there will be no proof it happened at all and so why bother? Because you can…because why the hell not…because it keeps you sane…because you dropped your quarter, because its true, because its not, because its beautiful, because its art, because you want to live, because you have to die….so why not see if you can.

why

2009-11-27T12:41:00.000-08:00

i always seem to post because i feel like it, not because i have something to say...this is one of those times.

a white stripes tribute

2009-11-23T19:13:00.001-08:00

THE WHITE STRIPES

This is dedicated to the big three and his sister miss Suzy lee, and it may seem like they’re wasting there time but that’s what I think when I hear my name…I really Do. But honestly even though I cant fix the broken bricks or stop the slicker drips with my screwdriver life’s never tasted so good. I wake up some times from my dreams and I stop braking down and think of calling up jimmy. He may do the astro and he might own a cannon but I just sit there with my cup of coffee and think of the little people and remember that jimmy hast fought piranhas like I have

DE STIJL

So I call up the operator and tell her im bound to pack it up since I got the death letter

Ands she says that we should build a home…so we meet up amongst the apple blossom and little birds and she says im pretty good looking. I turn to her and ask “Sister do you even know my name?” she doesn’t speak and I know that sound because truth doesn’t make a noise not a ring, ring or a jumble, jumble. She starts crying and says she only wanted to be a boys best friend and why cant I be nicer to her. I say “because your southern can is mine”

WHITE BLOOD CELLS

I was staying in the hotel yorba in a little room and I met someone I wasn’t expecting. Mary, I knew Mary from when we were little and in the union together…almost forever…a while back before the autumn outside and the aluminium inside I told her we are going to be friends and she looked at me and said back “I cant wait”. Now its been a few years since then and it seemed I had offended her in every way, I told her I can learn and that I was the same boy she’d always know but I think she could smell a rat…so now im walking outside looking at the dead leaves on the dirty ground and thinking how I fell in love with the girl and how I was finding it harder to be a gentleman but honestly I just wanted to be her protector

ELEPHANT

I was staying with another member of the seven nation army, and he stood up and says to me “there’s no home for you here” I looked at him and said that I didn’t know what to do with myself, he said he didn’t care…I was the hardest button to button and I belonged outside in the cold, cold night. whilst walking outside amongst the little acorns I called up my girl and said “its true we love each other” and asked to stay at hers. I was supposed to meet her at the ball and biscuit club… inside was a magician called mr.black math, he called for a volunteer. I wanted to be the boy but my girl had no faith in this medicine, then he began and I could feel the air near my fingers getting cold and I felt hypnotised. I said I was scared of loosing her and he said “you’ve got her in your pocket”

GET BEHIND ME SATAN

I was sat in the cinema watching “the denial twist” a film about a little ghost, two seats on from me I saw a nurse…as we left the place I saw her silhouette between the white moon and the red rain. I didn’t know her but it was instinct and I handed over my phone number. Weeks passed as I waited for my doorbell to ring but even though it must have seemed forever for her it seemed like passive manipulation to me. Finally she turned up and I gave her a blue orchid. Weeks passed and she never called finally I went to see her and told her how I felt…it was take, take, take, I told her it was over for me and that as ugly as I seem I was lonely but not that lonely yet.

ICKY THUMP

I turned to Mary and poured her a little cream soda. she told me we had to split up because we were bone broke…I said “if that’s what you think then you don’t know what love is” she told me she felt she was slowly turning into me and she had to go back and find her ex “st.anrew” or we would end up running a rag and bone cart. I looked at her and cried out “icky thump! What do you think this is? A 300mph conquest for money?” I was a martyr for my love of her and even though she was a prickly thorn I used to think she could be sweetly worn. She started crying her torrential outpour blues and I looked her in the eyes and told her “didn’t you expect to catch hell? This is only effect and cause.

update neumber III

2009-11-23T17:59:00.000-08:00

a few things....

firstly i have just listned to all of "white blood cells" by the white stripes and didnt understand what the fuss is all about, their self titled album seemed better.

secondly i wanted to convey my fustration over not being able to find a job in the current ressesion climate.

thirdly i would like to thank nikola tesla for all his work

and finaly i wanted to say something interesting and meaningful to compensate for the crap i just posted. i cant think of anything so i think i will go back to point number 3.

III- if you dont know who nicola tesla was go look him up...infact look up the following-

Nikola Tesla

Che Guevara (dont just buy a t-shirt it goes against what he stood for)

Captain Beefheart

Albert Einstein

and dont just assume you know who they are or what they did...check wikipedia, buy the biography, rent the docu-drama but dont buy the t-shirt

this is a test and a lesson so have your chalk at the ready.

2009-11-18T19:58:00.000-08:00

its not every day that you feel like righting, but its also not every day that you don’t feel like writing…and today isnt the former.

So this isnt a story and its not a message, its not a biography or a list…not yet anyway, it may be all these things. But we will have to wait and see.

So first up is an attempt to put into words something I haven’t been thinking about until recently…what I want you to do. I’ve been thinking about what you should be doing with your life (some one should be) and I’ve decided on what to tell you.

Some people would probably say its not in my best interests to tell you how to live your life…I would say simply the fact your life is in my interests makes me a fine candidate for this job. So what I want you to do is stop what your doing…everything. First stop thinking. And soon I want you to stop breathing.

And you won’t breath again until you’ve figured out what I want you to do is what you want…I want you to realise that what is necessary isn’t what you need to think about. Your life is fleeting as im sure you realise and what you need to do is take a long think about what you should do. hold your breath now. Open your eyes (they shouldn’t be closed) to what you are doing, think of what you did yesterday, how much of it will be forgotten by time, how much will you forget…what would you like to remember…and what is the point of life.

I would say the meaning of life is…for you to figure it out.

Not incredibly prolific but its not supposed to be. I just feel like putting my thoughts down on paper.

Did you ever see that film “the matrix”? there was a bit in it when morphius says to the main guy “this is your residual self image” which basically means this is how you see your self in your mind…a nice concept I would say, I think about it a lot…who are you in your mind? I mean if every thing was mental (inside your brain, not crazy) how many people would simply imagine things they saw in magazines as furniture…if everything you owned had to be aesthetically designed mentally I think the world would have a better appreciation for some people (myself included) not that what I would think up as a chair would be great but I can think of something more than the white themed room from ikea…but then again it doesn’t seem like my chair can stand up…it only has two legs…but why does it need to when its suspended from the moon.

By this point I assume you are quite lost…well done, if you are you are the correct audience, if you have happily understood the frankly absurd notions I have just been spewing then please stop reading, you think too much, your probably like me and think you can grasp all concepts, well the truth is you are probably less likely to understand this stuff that the idiot who didn’t know what “aesthetic” meant…so stop reading, seriously I don’t want you here, you should be wrighting your own jumble of rubbish.

Ok….

This is an auto biography of Tarquin Quendal.

It was late in the day as the bells of implausibility tolled the third time and Tarquin Quendal a famous man of non existent proportions was born. (if you are still reading you are utter scum and did not think of the first task correctly…please for the sake of dignity and to show you are not purely driven by curiosity and defiance stop reading, its ruining it for the others)

He was a boy just like any other, except that every other is not similar to the next so he was a boy as equally different from the others as all the others were. His father was finnish poet and his mother was a snake wrangler from Canada (it seems unlucky but that is where the most snakes on earth gather)

They all lived happily in the great desert of Russia until a satellite crashed through there roof.

End of part one.

Please join me after the interval.

Thanks dave, now its over to garry with the weather.

Thanks dave, well it looks like there will be a brief sprinkling of creativity over Scotland today with some dashes of inspiration. Cardiff and south wales are suffering from the hope of false enlightenment early on but that burns off later in the day to reveal a day of burning integrity.

London will be overcast all week with morons and thoughtless robots walking the tredmils of life until they eventually get sucked under….thats all today folks now its back to tom in the studio…

Thanks dave, and what a week it will be.

Part 2

The door creaked open with a raven like screech. The two children huddled at the back of their room under one of the blankets their grandmother had made. Footsteps entered the room and as they pulled closer and closer the children didn’t dare open there eyes. They simply sat there under the old blanket hoping the evil thing would pass them by. They heard rasping breath barley a foot in front of them…if your still reading now then well done you have failed at every point I gave you, yes you were curious and yes it was a silly thing to say and obviously I cannot force you to stop reading but just the fact im not in the room with you shouldn’t be an incentive to keep reading anyway…that’s how you control dogs…not people. So by all means keep on reading at this point is doesn’t matter. you have proved you are a simple sheep among men driven by curiosity (which some may interpret as a yearning for power or knowledge) and simple reverse psychology. You are every thing that is wrong with the world…only looking out for your self never heading others requests. I am ashamed of you, so keep walking blindly onwards we may meet some day but it will be a day too soon.)

Unfortunately that is all im am writing for now…simply thinking about all the idiots in the world has drained my super writing powers and after all if you are one of them I don’t want to give away any more brilliant brilliant ideas, and if you are not one of the clever people that kept reading then you wont mind to much anyway because you probably didn’t understand it anyway.

If you are on of the clever people who stopped reading when instructed then I personally thank you (not that you will ever know how grateful I am that people like you exist.) and if you stopped reading but curiosity got the better of you and you came back to keep reading then shame on you…you almost passed hopefully in future you will be less impulsive and show respect to people who request something simple off of you.

Tarquin Quendal

jack of all trades

2009-11-18T19:34:00.000-08:00

so i must update this blog about once every three months... that's how busy i am...im not too busy to post, I just only have something to post every three months.

so i came up with this plan about four weeks ago... lets start at the buiginging...

"jack of all trades master of none" is a phrase i like alot because it has the name "jack" in it...and if it has jack in it its good E.G (example gratina i belive)

jack skelington (from nightmare before christmas)

jack white

jack sparrow

jack O' lantern

jack the giant killer

jack of blades

jack of all trades

jack the ripper

black jack davey...so theres alot. so i looked up this "jack of all trades" thing and found a phrase i like alot more. i belive its korean but i could be wrong (wiki it to find out)

"surounded by knives, none of them sharp" it means the same thing; you know many skills but are a master of none.

so i decided that this should be my goal...to learn many skills (it must be easyer to sharpen blunt knives than pick up pre-sharpened knives.) and i dont mean skills like painting, digging, accounting, running, baseball or doing spreadsheets...im not great at all that stuff and trying to be would just waist my time.

so i decided to try out all the arts; drawing, sculpting, writing, acting, music making?, painting and the such.

so far there has been alot of drawing, writing and music making with a tiny bit of sculpting (i made a failed mug in the shape of a goat) and a dabble of acting (i made one youtube video)

and i just wanted to update the world on my life, i feel some how by telling you guys (if you are reading this you are probably one of two people on earth to have done so (i am the other one))

i have made this official.

thank you and good night.

2009-09-13T16:29:00.001-07:00

another image of William finder, cant bring myself to illustrate Jack tale yet...probably because even i dont realy know what he looks like.

films i have seen

2009-09-13T05:18:00.000-07:00

inglourius bastards

a good film a damn lot better than kill bill, tarentino is back on form with this dark comedy/ adveture about war time france...

the highlight of the movie aside from the brilliant nazi bad guy is Brad pitt's italian accent,

a film to see this summer.

8/10

the next film i am discussing is

District 9 a film i didnt know much about other than peter jackson was producer and that cloverfeild had influenced it.

it turned out to be the best film of the year so far, it was funny and exiting...and constantly kept me on the edge of my seat. it delt with many differint levels of film making from sci-fi to anti war. it was more a play on how cruel humans can be rather than a battle between humans and aliens...certain points turned my stomach but if you endure them (i saw people leaving the cinema at one point) its well worth it, at the end of the film i wanted the aliens to wage war on earth and destroy the humans...best film since the dark knight. well executed and well acted. wikis acts how i would act in a situation like this. ive seen it twice and would like to go again.

9.5/10 are point 5's allowd?

the progress of the fairytale...

2009-09-13T04:03:00.000-07:00

writing it slowly at the moment, here are two of the poems about one of the protaganests(probably spelt that wrong)

“This is a story of young jack tale’s,

About the town from where he hail’s,

In the fields of Nalvera’s land

A shepherd died by giant’s hand.

His flock was taken into the night

And so continued the towns great plight

His son took arms and went to seek

Where the ghastly thing did sleep,

The mouth of the cave littered with bones

From the dark came the giants groans

The boy could hear his missing sheep

And into the darkness he did creep.

The giant awoke from his deathly doze

And startled all of the roosting crows.

The monster reached and grabbed the child

The look in its eyes were red and wild.

The boy let out a horrified scream

And put into action his cunning scheme.

He spoke aloud so the beast could hear

And spoke without a trace of fear.

Twenty sheep I see here now,

But why not rather a horse or cow?

In three days all will be dead

And you must go looking again instead

Why not hand me back my herd

I’ll tell you of a plan preferred .

I will bring you sheep to match stars in the sky

As soon as you know how many up there lie.

The giant agreed and sent the boy home

And the boys true plan remained unknown

Now each night the giant must sit and count

From the pinnacle on his rocky mount.

It never stopped counting the stars at night

And so the boy ended his towns plight.”

“Hear another tale of Jack the giant slayer

So I can explain it to your fine mayor.

Ten winters had been since jack met the giant.

On him, the townsfolk had become reliant,

He wandered all of the western lands

From the haunted woods to the glittering sands

The monsters grew scared of this lone man

However, with a single giant his story began

Now more deeds than could ever be told

Lay behind jack before thirty years old.

He had saved a woman who became his wife

And he settled down to a normal life.

On one foul night jack got word

That the giants returned in a monstrous herd.

Without a moments doubt he packed his things

Not knowing what his cruel fortune brings

His wife would not allow him to leave

For she would be lost and left to grieve

He told her they were his greatest quarry

and she thought his only love was glory

on this night brave Jack was cursed

and of a kind of the very worst

his wife a witch, he knew to late

and so he suffered a cruel fate

no man may recall who jack is

the face you remember will not be his

unseen he walks and clears the path

at the mercy of a lovers wrath

he is jack the slayer of beasts

and it is on him the darkness feasts

wherever he travels and goes to sleep

that is where the shadows creep.

Hunted by monsters for all his life

Because he was cursed by a bitter wife.

Of Jack’s tale’s you will all know well

But his face is masked by an evil spell.”

hopefully one day i will publish this...but until then i will just through random bits onto my blog.

fairytale project

2009-08-01T05:51:00.000-07:00

this is a peice of concept art for my new project...which is probably going to end up as a computer game idea but i am currently writing it in book format.

this is one of the protaganests, William Finder who is a vagabond and a rouge and realy isnt much of a fighter or a hero, the character is based on elements of dark cloud from crouching tiger hidden dragon, jack sparrow, the new price of persia and han solo. i hope to upload more images as they are finished (allthough i dont know why as i think im the only person who reads my blog?)

film reveiws

2009-07-22T06:35:00.000-07:00

harry potter 5/10

not a massive let down but not much of a final fight scene very much a set up for the next film

public enemies 7/10

a film to watch again, good acting, good script, good filming...slightly slow and with no deep meaning but it is an account of john dillingers life and not a holly wood shooter.

transformers 3/10

no lasting impression, lots of fighting some funny lines, but too much...too long, too many robots, poor voice acting for the robots, too much fighting and with a climactic fight that is ultimatly un necicary.

dead weather gig

2009-06-25T04:18:00.000-07:00

saw the dead weather last night, i wast sure about them before hand. i loved the racontours and the white stripes and it turns out it works just as well to have jack white behind the drums and to have allison mosshart as front woman they are a force...there songs are not clean cut or elegant they are extreamly rough and powerful,

wolverine reveiw.

2009-05-02T03:30:00.000-07:00

well i didnt think this film would be that great, but i was suprised at just how terrible it is, its almost like that old proverb. "if you gave a million monkeys a million type writers and a million years one of them would write a line of shakespear in the end." well its like one of those monkeys ended up writing a script for the wolverine movie.

well as charming as it seems i dont think a monkey did write this script so i cannot excuse the frankly child like script, to quote some lines:

"Become the animal"- probably the most famous line in the film but still definatly the cheesyest and one of the worst.

"im coming for blood"- also in the trailer but it dosent change the fact it is also a terrible line.

"you know what a man finds when he goes looking for blood...

What?

...Blood"

the action sequences where over the top and realy boring, within the first five minuites of the film we had seen a man deflect about a thousand machinegun bullets with twin samurai swords, and from there shockingly the fights get worse...at least the first fight was funny, the later fights are just wolveine (who is indistructable so doesnt loose) blowing up barns,jeeps,jets, whole allyways, wrestling sets and in the final fight a nuclear reactor tower with a decapitated head.

i wont spoil the ending so far to say the big twist is that wolverine looses his memory which is common knolege to both xmen comic and movie fans, the real let down is HOW he loses his memory...he gets shot in the head... a new idea no one has done before, probably because it is flawwed beond comparison-

an adamantium bullet wouldnt peirce his skull (at least not fired from an old service revolver) wolverine would be left with twin bullets ratteling around in this skull and he would have two holes in his forhead which doesnt mach up with the xmen 2 shoot up when he gets hit in exactly the same place.

my bastard cat update.

2009-04-21T14:12:00.000-07:00

he was gone a total of 16 days, he turned up starved close to death so that you could see all his bones moving, he smelt off piss and was covered it what looked like polystyrene...so i guess he was in a shed but now he seems to be getting back to his old brumpy self.

well its been a wHile...

2009-04-21T14:09:00.000-07:00

yup, ive been a bit lazy latly and havent written anything.

so im basicly just sayin that all the storys and ramblings will hopefully be starting again soon.

raoul is dead, long live raoul

2009-03-23T02:24:00.001-07:00

im pretty sure my cat is dead now hes been missing for 4 days i think.

"here rests raoul the prince of theives
not enough lives to mach his needs"

three years is such a short time to hate everyone...but he managed it.

"the spirit" reveiw

2009-03-10T06:01:00.000-07:00

this made me larf (te he larf)

"There is not a trace of human emotion in it. To call the characters cardboard is to insult a useful packing material".[

my life continued

2009-02-25T06:48:00.000-08:00

i dont remember what exactly happened with in antrobobs fortress but one thing i know didnt happen was that we all turned into cats...if we did turn into cats it didnt last too long as i am a person...unless we are cats who see people as cats and cats as people and lamas as cats as well, there are alot of cats.
soon after escaping with the dwarves and capturing antrobob in the glass lamp of anoo-shaloo, i returned to an indian port i had never been to. and with the foxes and dwarves i set sail, i had become quite good at sailing since i used to be an insurance sales man. we were at sea for several minuites and i was starting to wonder if i would ever see land again as i had got curry powder in my eyes and had gone temporaryly blind. one of the foxes kindly licked it out of my eyes but noot soon enough and we crashed onto an island. here i came face to face with two people i didnt think i would ever meet again...!

a madness from within

2009-02-25T06:28:00.000-08:00

i sit here apon my desk far above the town
and as i look from the steeple
peering through my blooded crown
and seeing at all the people
it appears to me in my sights in yet another vision
that a child with chairs legs has stumbled on my mission
i creep and crawl down the wall
and i am carful not to trip and fall
a single bullet has sufficed in silencing his cry
i jump and catch him and close his only eye
but to see this much was more to want and now i too must die
from the office yet again i stumble blindly into grace
at the same time i sit quite still and vanish with no trace

this is Nhils song.

tis the season for pancakes.

2009-02-24T02:12:00.000-08:00

its pankake day and as such i have come up with a poem...well i havent but i will think of it as i write...ahem-

with the promise of lemon, suga and batter
and also the promise of getting much fatter
little roy simpkins sat down to dine
on plates of pancakes one at a time
he tried lemon and syrup and straberry and cream
and time after time he licked the plate clean
"slow down dear roy" pleaded his mother
but as she spoke roy had started another
he ate and ate until his mouth was sore
and then little roy simpkins ate some more
the sun was setting and soon the moon was out
when his dear mother returned and started to shout
"if you eat any more you'll have a pancake for a head!"
but as she turned round she saw little roy was dead.
his face in a pancake and the syrup was spilled
and his mother whispered "my god he's finally filled"

eric was a dino-sar

2009-02-04T06:49:00.001-08:00

Eric was born in the wilberwinter of much
upon a talking boat which may have been dutch
to a diver and his alligator upon a full moon
the doctor proclamed "he'll be a dinosaur soon!"
the parents were shocked to hear such a terrible thing
and as they cryed the tiny baby sprouted a wing
"please dot cry, im sorry but it is the truth"
as the doctor spoke Eric grew a giant tooth
before too long eric was realy a dinosaur
he was 10 ft tall and was still growing more
and just as the parents got used to this fact
the bottom of the boat suddenly cracked
now poor eric wont grow anymore...
he was the biggest lizard no one ever saw.

my life ages 5-10

2009-01-26T06:21:00.000-08:00

between learning to impersonate an arm chair and trying to be a mute bard, i traveled night and day searching for hugo, but to no avail...at last i came across a used car sales man who was also a panda, he told me that hugo had traveled back in time to the time of "neverwas meant to be" and that before he had gone hugo had left me a message.
it simply read "please re fill the mints" i found this quite puzzling at the time and to this day i still do. as i turned on my heels i was caught in an atomic blast of non-existant proportions. when i arrived back in town i was befrended by the cornish foxes i had been stationed with in another reality and they told me that the russian dwarves (who i also knew from another life) had been captured by the dread robo-ninja-ghost-dinosaur, Antrbobo!
so with the help of the cornish foxes i had never met i set out to save the russian dwarves i didnt remember from the dread lord Antrbobo who had never met me.
it took us several years to trudge through the streets of liverpool and creep through the labyrith of babylon, yet finaly in the desert of gogarong we saw the dread lord Antrbobo's abode. and set about climbing the walls (which were made of frozen curry powder)

my life from 0-5

2009-01-26T00:57:00.000-08:00

so i had the usual child hood...
i was born abord a submarine made totaly of crupits, and this "Crumpmarine" was piloted (not captained, he made that very clear) by Eric von bafflestein the very same man who invented the catopener (a machine used to unscrew cats legs...it didnt catch on) the events of my birth were rather strangemostly because my father was irish and partly because my mother was a crustation.
i was born into a laundry shoot and raised by the legendary "laundry monkey"! who trained me in the art of wrinkling clothes and never doing any thing...which would later lead to the name of my book "never do anything".
at age 3 captain eric von bafflestein found me and killed the laundry monkey and mounted its eye brows above his door.

at age five i set foot on solid land for the first time, i was in neo-paris (as the origional paris was destroyed by a giant green duck by the name of Hugo littleton, the instant i heard of Hugo i knew what i had to do! become an insurance sales man...but it didnt work out (i didnt know what i was supposed to be insuring and i hated selling things...you never know when you might need them.) so i set of to look for Hugo instead.

the book of mallism vol 1 chapter 1

2009-01-21T06:07:00.000-08:00

in a burst of rainbow murry took off from the ground and flew at high speed towards the heavens...

and as the hayward wind branished through the tumley reeds it became clear that murry was not in kansas anymore (which was good as he was never there to begin with) he was in heaven,shangri-la,nirvana,valhalla,zion,mexico...ok not mexico (which was also a good thing) and as he gazed upon the gold and white marble door they swung ajar alowwing just room enough for the little god to enter.

murry soon (when i say "soon" i mean after he had got lost for several hours, eaten all the complimentary sandwiches and bedside mints and also annoyed the staff of heaven) found his way to the council chambers, where he was met by many of the gods and deitys, such as:

Helios jr -the god of evil, untimely accidents and pringles.
Damnatia-godess of the underworld, red, acounting, old grass, hayfever, evil unicorns and shopping trollys with one wobbely wheel.
Alan again- god of annoying neigbourghs and reletives, food you didnt want to buy but couldnt pass up because it was on offer and monicles.
Pomporus IVVV- madness, earings, greed and the future
lord bim bim- the god of good, peace/war, jenga and mostaches
dr.Greif- god of death, poetry,pink,vultures and smoke.
lady Voleface- godess of nature,luck and horseraddish soup that is a little bit cold.
and now Murry- god of sheep, little rainbows and marshmallow.

so murry was a bit late but hid didnt let that stop him, he soon trundeled over to his seat and waited for the meeting to begin.

"order in the godhouse!" cryed Pomporus IVVV, who was already quite red faced and on his fourth keg of beer.
"Pomporus it would make more sence to wait for there to de some kind of DIS-order before you demand order...everything seems in quite good order to me."said Damnatia
"of course it would seem orderly to you, you run the underworld, i bet its a riot a minuite down there...litraly!" by the end of his sentance Pomporus was almost shouting.
"sorry to disapoit you but the dead are not as lively as you would think, its mostly just me walking around and brushing the dust off them"
"how enthrauling" whispered Dr.greif
"dont you get involved, HA in-vole-ved" with this Pomporus pointed to lady vole face."get it, inVOLEved! HA" Pomporus laughter contined over the others who were now in a full motion.
dr. Greif was arguing with Damnatia about who had the worse job, lady voleface was crying inconsolably while Alan again tryed to carm her down.
Helios jr was scratching some kind of graffiti into the marble desk and murry was now ordering plate after plate of snack food.

suddenly the room grew dark and cold and the light in the window turned extreamly bright and all of a sudden the whole room fell to peices as if it was made of giant jenga blocks, reveiling that the gods were now sat not in a hall but ontop of a great mountain, Lord Bim bim stood up and as he spoke the mountins creaked and with his every breath the whistling wind changed direction.
"order in the god house!"
all of the god fell silent, exept Pomporus who quietly whispered "told you so." to Damnatia.
Lord Bim bim continued "i have gathered you to help save the world"
"why?" asked Helios Jr "the worlds always in trouble and its some mortals job to save it"

"not this time Helios, because one of the ainchent three is awakening."
all the gods looked horrified (exept Murry who didnt understand and Alan again who was off his face due to altitude sickness.)
"whats the ainchent three? and dont you mean ANCIENT?"

"no Murry, sadly I dont, the ainchent three were gods who unlike us existed without existance...let me explain as simply as i can.
you are the god of sheep...you only exist because sheep exist and if there were no sheep you would stop existing, the ainchent three existed before there was anything, they had no pourpois and allthough they tryed to give themselves pourpois they never realy got the hang of it...one of them tryed being the god of traffic cones but when he discovered they had'nt been invented he went mental and ate a whole ark full of animals. and now that one of them has woken up we have to stop him!"

old cartoon artwork.

2009-01-20T16:33:00.001-08:00

so this is a bunch of cartoon atrwork I did some of it is very old, some is not quite so old...anyway im focusing more on concept art now so there wont be many cartoons on my blog.

READ THIS FIRST-

2009-01-20T15:54:00.000-08:00

ok so i am dyslexic, and as such am not too great at spelling, but with the book of malisam the decyphering of the language is supposed to add to the foreghn and otherworldy feeling so in the murry story i have purosly leaft in realy bad spelling and gramma.

(although i feel i have just demonstraited that i cannot spell at anypoint)

the book of mallism vol.1- introduction

2009-01-20T15:21:00.000-08:00

yet hither on thiter hill lay the holy body of one Geoff of wheylion, and none perseeved other than dr.greif, who perched upon the hill leered over the good Geoff of heylion (it is belived by the Wheylions in death a man/woman loses a letter everytime there name is mentioned) so as Geoff of eylion lay under the forbidden tree amongst the sacred moose grove the first stars peirced the darkness of the night and shone some dim light upon his sallow and deathly face, as thus did happen dr.greif cryed a single tear and bent low to the body of Geoff of ylion and he whispered the song he had sung one thousand and one times before.

" I sing the song no one can hear
I fear the things no one should fear
I am the prophet, I am the seasons
you could not understand the reasons
and on the dappled moonlit ground
I lose something that cannot be found,
and through the branches against the moon
despite the darkness and the gloom
treads death on familar shores
and walks now towards your door"

"and here leaves the world Geoff of lion..." with that they both dissapeared in a puff of vivid pink smoke.

**********************************

Murry the lord of mallism and high preist of sheepomallow sat on the floor next to his favorite part of his solid bronze trough and ate much grain and candyfloss and also drank much of the sacred drink (gatoraide). just as murry became comfortable the grand (and sacred and divine and awsome and glittering and over priced) horn of greater unknollege sounded and murry knew it was time to return to the hall of the gods.

the start of something quite pointless...

2009-01-20T15:10:00.000-08:00

ok so as i rummage through the mysterys of life and carfully place the useless in my pocket and throw away the unsolved wonders...i cant help but stumble toward a thought i didnt think would ever take form...my religion.

as far as i can tell most religion is quite heavy, there are different sects but in total they all seem kindof serious exept one...

lost in the ainchet fridge of impossibility until it was hoisted from the depths of non existing by the net of possibility only to be dropped on the deck of mr. jenkins, and as mr.jenkins prized open the ainchent aztec-atlantian fridge he noticed tablets...the holy word had been written here on ainchent tablets (which happen to be made of cake).

the text took me and mr.jenkins may years to decipher so if some words are spellt wrong just bare with us.

the dark

2009-01-20T15:03:00.000-08:00

when i say i like the dark...i dont mean i like it, infact i find it quite scary, and thats what i like (not being scared i dont much like that either) i like the possibility of something being out there that i dont understand...its like the first part of imagination. when you look under your bed as a child and think you see something.
the dark is infinite possibility while the light is certanty and realisation, it is conclusion and reality.
clearly one without the other is pointless as light would irradicate uncertanty and the dark would be an endless dream of possibility...well i feel ive covered that enough for now.

the start of something quite useless...

2009-01-20T14:44:00.000-08:00

so this is probably the first and only serious post i will...post, i am currently very bored and feel like righting some general nonsense.

NONSENSE
1.words or language having little or no sense or meaning.
2.conduct, action, etc., that is senseless, foolish, or absurd: to have tolerated enough nonsense.
3.impudent, insubordinate, or otherwise objectionable behavior: He doesn't have to take that nonsense from you.
4.something absurd or fatuous: the utter nonsense of such a suggestion.
5.anything of trifling importance or of little or no use.